Day Job

You know how you can see something coming and just know it’s going to be awful? Like, life-alteringly (which is apparently not a word but fits here so it’s staying) awful. Yeah, that’s where I am. I can see it coming, and no one else cares. And do you know why dear random blog follower that I know not of? Because I am the only one whose life will be altered. Okay, I’m sure you’re wondering what I’m talking about.

Here’s the skinny:

I work with a group of folks that respond to bids and proposals for a LARGE staffing company. We work on more than 1,000 efforts a year. I am the coordinator of said group. As you can imagine, some of those proposals have to be printed. When I first started with this crew six years ago, that was in no shape, form, or fashion my job. I would help out, but the proposal writer was responsible for it. To our extreme advantage, an outside printer just happened to be on the 1st floor of our building and they did most of the hard shit (cutting the covers down, laminating, making the tabs, actually printing the thing out) and then we would collate, bind, and send it on its way. Over the years, as people have come and gone, I have somehow managed to become responsible for all of that and I was trying to take that in stride UNTIL we were recently bought out and have been told we are moving across town. HOLY SHIT! Does no one else see the issue here? Now we are going to have to share printers with everyone else and SOMEONE will have to do all the hard shit (see above) and I can already see people looking my way. I’ve never been one to throw out the ‘that’s not my job’ bit. I hate that. But I cannot convey to you the impact all of this is having on my life. The move alone is going to add an hour to my day (drive time), the insurance went up almost $200 a month AND we are going from an every other week pay to a twice a month pay, thereby getting rid of that ‘extra’ paycheck we have. Our director also informed us that our little crew that used to be 7 people tops may climb to close to 30! 30! Are you freaking kidding me? And you want me to what? For WHAT? At some point, you have to step back and ask yourself, is this worth it? Is it worth it to get home at seven every night, dead, pissed at the world? Is it worth it to have people take advantage of you over and over? Is it worth it to work for a company six years and still be hourly when everyone else around you is salary? I don’t have a degree but I’ve been a sales coordinator in some fashion for 11 years. I’m good at it. I don’t know…am I overreacting? Am I freaking out for nothing? I welcome advice from other corporate employed type folk. The REAL solution here would be for all ya’ll to just buy my damn books and me make enough money doing that to stay home and finish FireFlys and get a book deal. Hey, a girl can dream.

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And then I don't feel so bad...

…These are a few of my favorite things…

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Life….

I am finding myself more and more inspired by Dr. Seuss. Though often silly and mismatched, his words always have a greater purpose, always a meaning in the end. How do you know you like something if you don’t give it a try? In the end, you should always do the right thing.. and so forth and so on. Life, as it turns out, is much like a Dr. Seuss book. Always a deeper meaning that I miss on the surface, always some greater purpose that I can’t seem to find until it’s too late. The thing about life, though, is that you can’t start over. You can’t go back to the first page and read it again if you messed up how many soxs sue has. So what can we do but try like hell to get it right the first time? And the even bigger question is how do we know if we got it right? Barring some major cataclysmic break in the universe, who’s to say if we messed up or if things are just running along according to plan?

I still believe in fate, don’t get me wrong. I’m just questioning her motives lately.

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Bad Mood

There comes a point, on days such as this, where every sound feels like needles in my ears. Every question someone asks me, or request someone makes has me searching for cotton to perhaps shut out all the dribble that continues to fall from the mouths of everyone around me. Especially my son, poor kid. God knows he’s going to be reading someone this blog on a leather sofa when he’s older. He will, however, be especially understanding of his wife’s mood swings.

I’ve seen a spectrum of things this week and have come to the conclusion that we, as a society, are never truly happy. Someone whose life was worse than mine looks at me and thinks wow, if I only had what she has, I’d be happy. I look at others and think wow, if I only had what they have, I would be happy. But none of us are. I’ve always said that money could indeed buy you happiness and shame on the lazy bum who said otherwise but, rich people aren’t happy either. Are there times when I think I’m happy? Of course. Reading a good book, taking a hot bath, writing, eating white chocolate, when my son acts normal, good booty from my honey…yes. I feel I am happy at these times but it never lasts. Why? Why can’t I just be content and not let people/things bother me? If I lived in a bubble, and only allowed access to a select few, things would perhaps take a turn for the better. If I knew my debt card would never get declined in the pharmacy line at Walgreens (oh yea. Good times.) again, that might put a little bounce in my step.

I need a serious attitude adjustment. About everything. I need some new perspective and some time to think. I’m going to NYC next week for work. Perhaps that will be a good time.

Hey, you, movie producer! Make a movie out of my books so I can stay home all day and write. You may very well save my life. Please and thank you. (they would be a great movie.)

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In an odd place

Halloween. I love it. Really. I’m a total sucker for scary movies, and ghosts, and all things paranormal. Probably because I don’t believe in any of it. Not really. I’ve never seen a ghost. I’ve never had an encounter. I did have a boyfriend sort of read my mind one time. “Remember the Party? It’s killing me.” His name was Carey and he refuses to speak to me, which is sad. He’s in NYC where I will be in a few weeks. I wish I could see him,

…but I digress…

Mothman Prophecies is on. This is an amazing movie. I forgot how deep this goes. In fact, it’s straight up freaking me out. It always comes back to that.. the tricks that our minds play on us are far more fighting than reality. The hairs on the back of our neck standing up…that feeling. We all have it. Someone/something is there. Is there? Someone there? Who knows.

Wake up, Number Thirty Seven

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3 for 1

Since I am so close to meeting the required amount of copies sold, I am going to do something crazy. From now until 10/31, if you email me a proof of purchase for Sarah’s Fate, I will reply to that email with Emmy’s Song and Emmy’s Heart for FREE. My publisher requires that I sell a certain number of my release for an opportunity to be in print so it has to be Sarah’s Fate that you purchase for the three for one deal.

Buy Link: http://www.devinedestinies.com/shopdevine/index.php?page=shop.product_details&flypage=ebook_flypage&product_id=1205&category_id=24&manufacturer_id=35&option=com_virtuemart&Itemid=69

If you’re still on the fence, here are some reviews for the books:

Emmy’s Song (4 ½ graves)
http://bittenbybooks.com/?p=29111

Emmy’s Heart (4 graves)
http://bittenbybooks.com/?p=29115

Early review for Sarah’s Fate from my favorite blogger/book reviewer, Lexie
http://lastexilewords.blogspot.com/2010/10/book-review-sarahs-fate.html

Send your proof of purchase to emmylovescale@yahoo.com!

Thank you all =)
Christy

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Christy's New Friend

I’ve said before, many times actually, that I would never, ever like anyone who didn’t like Twilight. Well, that theory has been debunked. I recently met an extremely interesting, funny, kind, loving, thoughtful, smart (insert other positive adjectives here) …person who hates Twilight. Like, throws up in her mouth when I talk about it hates it. She is a writer as well, so we did have something in common right of the bat, but there was more to it for me. She is one of those folks that people just want to be around. Now, she is the stereotype I mentioned before. Sad, been through a lot, has a hard time with happy, but she holds all of that on the inside. On the outside she is just cool. Just, John Travolta in Grease, Patrick Swayze in the Outsiders, cool.

I’m rather shocked to be honest, I never thought I’d see the day but she is the other half of my spectrum. I am romantic to a fault. Love never fails, it’s all for love, believe in love…all of that. She is a love is Santa Clause for adults, be a realist, kind of person. She balances me out, and balances my writing out. We are working on some things together, just hashing out ideas right now, but they are going to be good. I can already tell. She’s into screenplays and such and with her unyielding pessimism and my undying optimism, it should be just my kind of verbal schizophrenia.

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Win all three of my books!!!

Check out my interview with Renee Vincent, author of the Emerald Isle Trilogy. Comment for a chance to win all three eBooks!

http://pasttheprint.blogspot.com/2010/09/interview-and-contest-with-author_27.html

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Does anyone know who 'they' are?

I often wonder who came up with the standards people tend to follow. For instance, who decided that shit was a bad word? And who said that teenagers can’t fall in love or that only those of us that can do very long division in our heads are smart? Where did these standards come from? More importantly, why do we all just arbitrarily accept things that ‘they’ said? Who in the sam hell are ‘they’? Anytime someone needs justification to an outlandish statement they can just look someone in the face and say, “Well, that’s what they say.” The kneejerk reaction of the person who hears that? Oh yes, well.. then it must be true if they say it.

Where am I going with all of this? Well, I’m about enough of doing things just because they said or because it’s a standard accepted practice.

I will never EVER purchase or build a home with tile anywhere near the shower. It mildews when it comes in contact with water, it shouldn’t be in the bathroom.

The next person that tells me young people don’t know what love is I’m going to smack over the top of the head with the pages and pages of statistics on divorce. Apparently grown-ups don’t know what the hell it is either.

Just because I didn’t graduate from college and have a hard time remembering what the square root of pie is, doesn’t mean I’m not smart and don’t deserve a job/raise/respect.

Yes, I was raised in the south, no I’m not prejudice and yes I drink sweet tea. Get over it.

Though my vocabulary is quite copious, I will use shit or damn if I think it completes my sentence and further drives home my point with the intended recipient.

I don’t like socks or pantyhose and will no longer force the lower half of my body to suffer for cosmetic reasons.

I will shamelessly carry my 22 different Coach bags. I work hard. I deserve a damn purse.

I encourage you to join me in my endeavors. Stop doing things just because they say and do them because you say!

That is all.

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Sarah's Fate

Do you hear it? The drum roll that is growing louder and louder… or perhaps that’s just in my head. Wouldn’t be the first time! Today marks the release of the third and final novel in the Maldito Series, Sarah’s Fate. I still can’t believe that I’m a published author. I was perched on the edge of insecurity for about a year, expecting my publisher to call and say they changed their minds at any moment. But, a call never came and here we are, three books later.

Being an eAuthor is hard and I think being an eAuthor of YA is even harder because the vast majority of your audience doesn’t have the ability to purchase things online. On the flip side, I do think young people are more open to the thought of ebooks as they have only known this technological world and think it normal to live your entire life online-including reading a book.

I still long to be in print. There are so many people that look at me with strange expressions when they ask where they can get my books and I say online. They kind of give me the, ohhh, it’s not a real book, look. I do have a few folks in my life that think I’m awesome and have totally encouraged me the whole way. My friend and now boss, Kathryn who was the one that said I should make it a goal to be published by the time I was 30 and not to give up when I started getting the dreaded rejections letters! My friends, Courtney, Alissa, and Maria who have read and purchased all of the books, my friend Heather who gave me the courage in the first place and my sister who continues to be there for me and remind me that I don’t suck when I start to think that I do. My one and only far away fan, Trevor who never fails to say exactly what I need to hear and Chris and Sarah for continuing to give me material to put in my books. These are the people that never let me down, that are there for me no matter what and never let me give up.

I hope that you will see my name on your local bookstore shelves soon but for now, I’m just so thankful for the opportunity to share my world with everyone. I hope you have as much fun here as I do. =)

Sarah’s Fate:
http://www.devinedestinies.com/shopdevine/index.php?page=shop.product_details&category_id=24&flypage=ebook_flypage&product_id=1205&option=com_virtuemart&Itemid=69

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Win an iTunes gift card!

Check out my 1st guest blog post over with Kim at Book Butterfly Reviews. Comment and win an iTunes gift card! =)


http://butterflybookreviews.blogspot.com/2010/08/guest-post-with-christy-trujillo-author.html

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Snap Decisions

I’ve always been a spur of the moment, first gut instinct is always the best, just do it, kind of girl. You know, the kind that bought the first wedding dress she tried on or house she looked at. The kind that makes a decision and just goes with it. Sometimes, this is a good quality. Like when I decided to write a book and when I decided to try to get published. Clearly good decisions. OTHER TIMES, like last night when I decided to color my hair, stopped at Target, let my 7 year-old help me pick out a color, came home and promptly turned my hair a lovely shade of navy blue…not so much.

I’ll pause here for laughter…

Yes, that’s right. Navy blue. I mean, it’s just hair and I’ve already called my boss and let her know I was going this morning to get it fixed. But really, I feel this is a much deeper problem for me and quite a few other folks. I don’t think things through. I don’t pause and say, is this really a good idea or is there a better way to do this? I think today’s fast paced environment has cost us the right to be indecisive. We are told to get it done and to be quick about it. But I say, stop people. Take your time. Unless we are talking about administering life-saving medication/medical care, whatever the problem is can wait for you to decide what the best resolution will be. Whatever the whim, it can wait for you to properly think it through, and hell, you can even go ahead and change your mind a few times because ultimately, we are the ones pushing ourselves to be faster, better, stronger. While I am a fan of the better and stronger, I think we should lay off the faster.

Slow and steady wins the race. Yet again, my mother was right.

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Wait Till Helen Comes

When I was in..oh I think it was about fourth grade the mobile book fair came to my school. I remember the smell of new books mixing with fumes from the bus when I stepped in. I had read a few things before that, I think perhaps a Judy Bloom novel or two. My eyes scanned the rows and I was just about to settle for a unicorn bookmark when the cover of a book caught my eyes. It was Wait Till Helen Comes by Mary Downing Hahn. I had to have it.

“It’s going to scare you,” my teacher told me.

And holy crap she was right. It scared the crap out of me and God help me, I loved it. Every second of it. Every word and flip back to the cover to study the little ghost girl’s profile, making sure I had the right images in my head because that’s where the story was playing out. The words were making a movie in my head.

That pretty much did it for me. There was no turning back. I read everything I could get my hands on and yes, I had a tendency to get my hands on the paranormal books. To this day, I can’t pass up the opportunity to be scared half to death, whether it is by a movie, or the movie in my head. If you ask me if I believe in ghosts I will say no. Do I believe in the paranormal sightings people claim to have? No. But I want to and I wish I did.

Maybe that’s why I write about these things. Because I hope that one day, it won’t be fiction I am writing. I’ll be telling a true story, that happened to me.

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My 2 Cents

During the editing process for Emmy’s Heart, I learned that adverbs should be kept to a minimum. In fact, I had so many in my first draft that she highlighted every single word that ended with ly and I had to go back and rework the sentence. I did it, of course. I’m new at this whole author thing and appreciate all the help I can get. But I’m here to ask you, what is wrong with adverbs. I love them. Ask anyone I know, I use them all the time. I use them so much my son has picked them up.

Me: Cam, are you done with your chicken nuggets?
Cam: Clearly.

And now all of the people who think their writing is better than everyone else’s will be saying that you shouldn’t write the way you speak and blahh, blahh, blahh. Last time I checked, writing was a form of expression. A way to put your soul out there, a way to fulfill a never ending compulsion to spill your guts to random strangers. So why can I not add in words that I like? It just gets my goat when I read people smashing the way others write. A great deal of the writing community is what I have classified as writing snobs. So quick to criticize someone for having too many adverbs, or telling and not showing. You want to know what the really funny part is? 99% of the writing snobs that I know, are NOT published. So let me get this straight? You, who are not published want to say there is something wrong with a book that has sold millions of copies? The only time it’s okay to do that is in a crit group where someone has flat out said, help me, I need your opinion. Because, folks, when it comes right down to it, great writing is a matter of opinion. Numbers are black and white. Words are gray. There are fifteen ways to say something and ten to spell it. One person can read something and think it is crap while another will have tears streaming down their face at the perfection of it all.

We all have our opinions and more often than not, they are welcomed and appreciated, especially from one writer to another. But perhaps sometimes, people just need to be encouraged.

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Charlie St. Cloud

As someone who hasn’t read the book (yet, I just got it to read) the movie was amazing. To me, it was one of those move you, deep down in your soul, make you appreciate the things you have, kind of movies. I cried a lot, happy and sad tears but I’m an emotional gal. My husband thought it was okay, he isn’t really into anything that doesn’t involve someone getting drunk, shot, or knocked out so he doesn’t really count. I don’t want to give anything away but know, that you will walk out of the theater happy.

I’ve already started the book and see some major differences. But isn’t that the way of it? That’s what happened with Eclipse. It’s like they (as in Hollywood) think the general American public won’t appreciate the stories that were originally told. Hell, maybe they wouldn’t but if anyone ever wants to make a movie out of my books, they aint ‘changen shit. ;)

Even more noteworthy than the plot was the performance of Zach Effron. Mark my words people, he is the next Johnny Depp. Someone who started as just a pretty face and ended up being this phenomenal actor. I saw him in 17 Again and thought he did a great job in that but this, well…he was Charlie. He has all the makings of the perfect actor. Timing, believability, and a face you would pay money to look at for an hour whether he spoke or not.

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Real Love

I don’t know what the process is for other writers. I don’t know if they plan every word, every situation, but I don’t. In the beginning, I didn’t even outline. Christopher said I should make one, just so I know what I want to accomplish in each chapter. That was probably the best writing advice I’ve had to date. That and to put your work away for a week before you proof it. Anywho, when I am writing, especially dialogue, it is literally a movie in my head. I don’t know what the characters are going to say to each other, it just comes out…pours out sometimes. Here is what came today that I read back and was like, yeah, that’s good shit. LoL Set up – Sarah has just found out that Andres is not who has been saying he is and he didn’t have the guts to tell her the truth so he just let her walk out of his life. His best friend and business partner Abby has walked in on him having a mental breakdown and here is her advice:

“So, I’m leaving,” I told her. “I am leaving this place and this life. There isn’t anything holding me here. Not anymore.”
“Wow, that is some deep shit,” she mused, making me laugh in spite of my misery. “I knew something was going on with you, you’ve been…different.”
“Yes, I’ve been delusional. That’s over now.”
“Could you be any denser?” she asked me. “You’ve been in denial. This pain you feel, this hurt, it’s called love. People say real love isn’t supposed to hurt. That’s bull shit. Real love will rip you apart, eat you for lunch, and spit out the pieces it didn’t like. Real love will tear you apart from the inside out and leave you for dead. And then by some miracle, it will put you back together and make everything right. But you’re not giving it the chance to do that. What you’re doing is giving up. I haven’t ever thought of you as a coward. Not once. Yet here you are, running away like a coward. Running away from what? From the beat of your heart?” She shifted her weight to her knees and scooted closer to me on the floor. I felt her hand on my chest and I looked up to meet her gaze. “You’ve been living this life that you thought was complete but it wasn’t. You fight these battles but you never really win them because battles are won or lost in the heart. Are you so ready to forfeit this battle, Andres? Damnit! At least don’t give up without a fight.”
“What am I supposed to do, Abby? It’s done. It’s over. I lost.”
“It’s not over until someone’s dead,” she said.
“Well…” I started to point out that I was technically already dead but she took her hand from my chest and slapped me on top of the head.
“You know what I mean…”

The part about real love, I don’t even know where that came from but I’ll be damned if it’s not the truth.

~Sarah’s Fate, 9/1/10

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Yeah, I'm kind of in love.

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That, is a freaking lot.

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The Ramblings of a Mad Writer

I am writing. I swear. I now have two windows open and one contains my almost halfway finished novel, the other this blog that will consist of my rambling thoughts. Sarah, the main character in the last installment of the Maldito series, refuses to listen to me. Like, she just keeps showing up in places she shouldn’t be. Shall I explain? I am writing a duel, 1st person POV thing with Sarah as an MC and Andres as the other. I have (had) a chapter by chapter outline and it clearly stated that in Chapter 10 (Andres) Sarah was NOT to be in it at all and yet she shows up at the bar Andres is at, tracking down bad guys, because he didn’t call her back. This, as you can imagine, makes it very difficult for me because God knows I can never hit the backspace key unless my editor tells me to. Like... well… here read this. *Warning*, speaking of my lovely editor, she is yet to see this so shhhhh, I don’t want to hear about the commas. I hate them. She puts them in later.

I was about to turn and leave when I caught sight of her. I felt sick, upset, furious, and hysterical all in the same moment. Stupid human emotions, I thought remembering why I didn’t miss having them. She was standing beside the bar, overtly flirting with the bartender who was eyeing her as if she were a piece of meat. Her hair was different, cut in a short style that exposed her long neck. One side was tucked precariously behind her ear. My God, she was beautiful. I stalked over to her, very nearly knocking several people over in my haste.
“What are you doing here?” I asked her though my clenched teeth.

Though her smile never faltered, I could see the flash of hurt across her face. She took my tone as annoyance, or something of the sort. I rushed to correct her. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it that way,” I began. I was yelling. One had to yell to be heard over the music, but it was still only loud enough for her to hear.

She cut me off, managing to be heard by not only myself but quite a few people in the area. “Well, if you would ever call anyone the hell back I wouldn’t have to beg Abby to tell me where you were but never mind. I can see I’ve made a mistake.”

She flew past me, heading for the door. I would not chase after her. I needed to stay where I was. I wasn’t any closer to finding out about the vamp changing people in my city, or the human trafficking than I had been on Sunday when I witnessed the disgusting scene. Keen’s was the common connection. I was sure of it. Turning my body away from her, I leaned on the counter. And stayed there for a solid three seconds.

Damn this infernal woman.

See what I’m saying? She wasn’t supposed to be there. Reading that back, I don’t like the part about the human trafficking. It’s not flowing right. That’s what it is though. Anyone know a better way to say that? Ughh.

On a personal note, I find myself rather stable in my life. Generally happy and content. While this is good for my soul, it has been reeking havoc on my ability to write. Go figure. Once this book is done, I am going to finish Fireflys I think. Or perhaps Gemini. That one is going to be good. I’ll really have to plan that one though. And since Courtney is the main character of that one (and Timeless Love) she will HAVE to listen to me. Hehehehehehehe.

Sia, My Love. Listen to it. Right now. That is all. ~night~

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Eclipse Review....

Let me start off by saying this is just the opinion of one girl and I am aware that others may feel differently. Opinions welcome.

Overall, I would give Eclipse 3 out of 5 stars. The movie alone was good. The effects were great, the action was edge of your seat, and the romance was steamy. But as a movie based on my favorite book ever, in the history of EVER, it fell flat for me. The first fifteen minutes of the movie covers the first twelve chapters of the book. To me, it was rushed and they didn’t allow the dynamics between Bella, Edward, and Jacob to build as much as they could have. They left out the first ‘bed scene’ and that is one of my favorite parts of the book. Also, it is impossible to watch this movie and not fall in love with Jacob. He is totally different in the book, almost like a whiney, annoying little kid. In the movie, he is funny, suave, debonair, and oh...so…HOT. They very much downplay Edward and his compassion and utter admiration towards Bella. I never once faltered in the series, Team Edward 100%. Watching the movies, I’m Team Jacob, or maybe it’s Team Taylor. That would make more sense.

At the end of the day, I am and always will be a fan of the series but I am not particularly happy with the commercialization of it all. They have gotten away from the heart of the matter and that is the love between Bella and Edward. All of the other stuff that happens is just background noise. Her words, the words that Stephenie wrote in that book, are what moved me to my core and what will stay in my heart for the rest of my life. I like seeing the characters represented on the big screen but they haven’t lived up to the beautiful love story that played in my head when I read the books. Here’s hoping Breaking Dawn will be better.

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New York, New York

I’m sitting in the window seal of my hotel room on the thirty-second floor of The Grand Hyatt in New York. The window opens just enough to let the noise from the streets and a small breeze come through and I feel the wind blow my hair while I listen to the horns honk.





It is my first trip to New York.

I had to work in the office all day today but yesterday Maria took me all over the city, to Central Park and on about fifteen different subways. This is her town. It reminds me of her even though she had to leave today. The fast pace, the drive. Everything about the city makes me think of her.



The weather is perfect. It feels like Florida during a cool snap in March. Crisp air with just enough of a chill to make the hair on your arms stand up. And the wind! I didn’t think there would be any wind but it whips around the buildings constantly blowing. I haven’t been overly impressed with the food and would probably let someone pull one of my fingernails out right about now for a glass of sweet tea and a slawdog but I will not leave without having some authentic New York cheese cake…damnit. I did, however, have the best time ever last night singing karaoke with the CMO of my company. Grease, Summer Loven. Oh yeah.

I’m having a good time but I could never live here. I’m a country girl at heart, wide open spaces and all that. I love falling asleep to the sound of a whippoorwill and waking to the morning sun peaking in over the trees. I like people that say “yes ma’am” when you ask them a question and “I’m sorry” when they run into you. I like dirt roads and bugs. A very wise (and handsome) man once said to me, “you have to be happy where you live and everything else will fall into place.” He speaks the truth. When I board the plane home tomorrow, I’ll be going back to what makes me happy. I’m sure I’ll be back, NYC. Try not to miss this country girl too much.

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Inventory - take 2

STOP. Before you continue, it is imperative that you read this or you will not understand a word I’m saying. Go ahead. I’ll wait.

http://christytrujillo.blogspot.com/2009/06/inventory.html

The question is… “Who am I?” The answer is of course very simple and was there all along. I am…me. The problem wasn’t that I didn’t know who I was, it’s that I didn’t like who I was. There was this person that would stare back at me from the mirror and I would cringe. You’re ugly, you’re stupid, you’re nothing, I would tell the girl. She never fought back and the abuse continued. Then the girl would foolishly turn to those around her and expect them to fix her. Being “Their daughter, her friend, his girlfriend, his wife, his mom” was just an excuse to avoid being the only thing I could be which was and is, MYSELF. Since this post I have published two novels and am currently finishing the third in my series. Fate has been a very large part of these books and somewhere in between Emmy’s Heart and the first few chapters of Sarah’s Fate I managed to find Christy’s courage. The courage to look within myself for happiness because, honey, the only person that can make you happy…I mean truly happy, is you. And before you can love someone else…I mean truly love them, you have to learn to love yourself. And I have. Do I still have my days? Of course. I’m still a girl. But now when I look around me I see my parents, and my BFF, and my honey, and my son and I am happy.

For my 31st birthday I have decided to get a tattoo of the word believe over the scar on my wrist. Why believe? Because that’s all we have. The only thing that cannot be taken away from us is our ability and capacity to believe. Believe in fate, in God, in love, in unicorns, in vampires. Without that, without something to hold onto and believe in, what are we? What do we have but empty spaces inside of us longing to be filled? So now when I’m brushing my teeth or putting on my Twilight bracelet I won’t see a scar. I’ll see my husband’s face, and my son’s smile. I’ll hear Maria laughing and Courtney talking in her funny guy voice, (you really should hear that, it’s hilarious) and think the words ‘published author’ because at the end of the day, I believe in me.

I will never forget my first love or the pain I felt and I’m glad. Because without that, without everything I’ve been through, what the hell would I write about? ;)

Hi, I’m Christy. I’m a published author with a “gift for tense and revealing dialogue” (I didn’t write that, it’s from a review of Emmy’s Heart) and more stories to tell. I’m the mother of a great kid and the wife of a very hardworking man. I’m friends with some amazing girls (and guys) and am happy to say, have stopped abusing the girl in the mirror. It's nice to meet you.



Update...

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What a wonderful, amazing, very good day

I had the honor of meeting Ashley Greene today. She was in town for a friend’s wedding and came to the Kimberly Clarke Salon to get her hair done with the other girls. They were all so nice and the bride looked like an honest to goodness Angel when she was leaving, her long blonde hair flowing behind her in perfect ringlets. It was a fun, fun day.

I met the wonderfully talented Kim Clarke through a fabulous woman named Courtney Sellers. Kim’s salon is THE place to get your hair done in Jville and I watched her make Ashley’s hair look as good as it ever has in any movie. She is truly an artist and I am blessed to have met both of these wonderful ladies. When Kim told me that Ashley would be coming in, I asked if it was okay if I came up there to give her copies of my books and she agreed. I didn’t tell a soul (well except Maria) because I didn’t want word to get out that she would be there and pandemonium to break out on Herschel Street! I’ve been so nervous about it. And even thought it wasn’t going to happen for a while but all of my fretting was in vein. All of the girls in the bridal party were so sweet and everyone had a blast.

Ashley arrived a little after everyone and was a ray of sunshine from the moment she walked in the room. Her friends clearly adore her and she is loyal and grateful for them. She was down to earth, funny, and just genuinely happy to be a part of her friend’s wedding. When the limo arrived to pick the girl’s up, I asked her if it was okay if I gave her something. She said of course it was. I gave her a bag with both of my books and a letter I wrote her explaining what they were. She was so nice and said she was happy to have something to read on the plane back to LA. She was extremely gracious when everyone started asking to take pictures with her. And let me tell you, she is even more beautiful in person. She is amazing.

I don’t know if she’ll Tweet about my books, but I am truly happy to just have had the chance to meet her. I hope she becomes the most successful actress this world has ever seen. I encourage everyone to support her in every endeavor. Purchase multiple copies of every magazine that is lucky enough to have her grace its pages, see any movie she is in more than once, and then purchase it on DVD.
There are few people in this world that you meet who are ‘symmetrically’ beautiful. People who are as beautiful on the inside, as they are on the out in such a manner that those around them can’t deny it. All the women I mentioned in this blog, Kim Clarke, Courtney Sellers, and Ashley Greene, posses that quality.

What a wonderful, amazing, very good day.

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Indifference

Staring at blank pages, watching them stare back at me, laughing, mocking.
They were right, you can’t do this. Who are you kidding?
They taunt me, the stark white empty spaces dismissing anything I try to add to their pristine perfection.
So I stare. My heart is breaking.
Under the surface of my imperfection, the perfect words hide. Behind my wall of self-doubt and cynicism. If I could just find them, pull them from their hiding, surely the pristine emptiness would allow me to fill it.
But the wall will not crumble,
And the perfect words stay hidden behind my imperfection.
So I stare. My heart is broken.

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The Affect Someone Can Have

It is utterly incomprehensible to me the affect that one single person can have on your life. We go along, meandering though our existence, and then ‘they’ are there. They change things, maybe the way you look at things, or the way you feel about things, but they change you. Inside. Your life swivels this way and that, as they become your sun, your center. Or maybe, they are just there when you need them. When you are sad and need some positive reinforcement and encouragement. But still, your life is changed. Forever altered by the fingerprint they have left on you. No, this doesn’t have to be someone you are romantically involved with. It doesn’t even have to be someone… real. As long as they are real to you. Sometimes they become permanent additions to your life and sometimes they are meant to be a passing star, only staying long enough to leave us a little of their light for our own dark journeys. Fate. That’s all I can say. Fate has a plan, and we may veer off course with the choices we make but she will call us back to the path we are meant for, even if she has to use those around us to do it. In case you are wondering, my path is to be a writer, and I will write of you.

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For the love of books...

I think I have been looking at this whole ‘being an author sucks because no one will ever say these things to me’ thing the wrong way. Yeah, I’m pretty positive that no one is ever going to chase me down and run my car off the road to profess their love to me while Angel by Aerosmith plays in the background but you know, that’s okay. Because at least, I have my daydreams right. And you know what? Every female character I write is me. There’s just no getting around that. And I don’t know if that’s normal or not but it is what it is for me. I tried to write from someone else’s point of view and it just didn’t work. And with a good book, a really good book, you are always that character in your head. Okay, well, I am. And it’s recently been pointed out and proven to me that I’m not even close to normal. So, again, maybe that’s just me but I’m okay with that. So in essence, all of these things are happening to me. All of these wonderful things are being said to me. Some people go their whole lives and never hear these things and weren’t blessed with the imagination and creativity I was to hear them in my head and then construct a beautiful story around them to share with others. I...am lucky, as it turns out. I am lucky that I can experience these things and have these memories in my heart. I am lucky that no matter how many times I’m hurt, I don’t close myself off to love and what it can really do for you. Is fate real? You better believe it honey, and it swirls around me, throwing my long brown hair in three different directions every time I sit down at my computer to write. So, that is what I will do. Write. And if by chance, someone ever does happen to say any of these things to me, sing to me, love me like this, well, then that’s just a bonus.



Have a great day everyone! =)

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Who am I to say?

Who am I to say anything? Who am I to say what I want, what I need? Who am I to say if I can live without you? Who am I? I’m just me.

Who Am I to Say by Hope

Love of my life, my soulmate
You're my best friend
Part of me like breathing
Now half of me is left

I don't know anything at all
Who am I to say you love me
I don't know anything at all
& who am I to say you need me

Color me blue I'm lost in you
Don't know why I'm still waiting
Many moons have come & gone
Don't know why I'm still searching

Don't know anything at all
& who am I to say you love me
I don't know anything at all
& who am I to say you need me

Now you're a song I love to sing
Never thought it feels so free
Now I know what's meant to be
& that's okay with me
Don't know anything at all
& who am I to say you love me
I don't know anything at all
& who am I to say you need me

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bGzHl0u9EsI

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Soul Mate

I read once that the notion of a soul mate comes from Greek mythology. “Originally humans were combined of four arms, four legs, and a single head made of two faces, but Zeus feared their power and split them all in half, condemning them to spending their lives searching for the other half to complete them.” I don’t know if I buy it. I want to. I want to feel like there is that one person who can make you feel complete and fulfilled but I just…don’t. Love is too fickle. Too many things can change over the years, over the course of your relationship with another to depend on someone else for that. We need to complete ourselves and then if someone else wants to be the icing on our perfectly baked cake, then sure. Why the hell not? I asked a few people if they bought the whole soul mate thing. It was about 50/50 to be honest. My logical friends, the ones that don’t cry at movies or believe in fairytales of course said no. My other friends, the ones that are usually more like me, dreamers…passionate…hopeful… they all said yes, without a doubt. I don’t know if I’m with them on this one. We come into this world alone and we leave alone. Perhaps, that’s how it was meant to be. We should rest in the harbor of our own souls and hearts, not interfering with others. We shouldn’t be taught that someone will love us with a love so strong it can stand the test of time, because we won’t. We shouldn’t trust our emotions because they are foolish and we shouldn’t listen to our heart because it is blind. Though, if given the choice between being a calm harbor or an ever sailing ship searching for her captain, I think I would take my chances at sea. Yes, the water is rough at times and nights at sea can be lonely but what is a ship for if not to sail? And what is a heart for if not to love? I don’t know if the concept of a soul mate is something to believe in or not, but love and the ability to give and receive it is. My sister read my palm and told me I have two soul mates out there somewhere. Maybe one day…they will find me or maybe, just maybe, they have already sailed past me.

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'About Me'

My name is Christina Lee Ralaine Babich Trujillo. No, I didn’t legally keep the Babich but I’m my daddy’s daughter, that’s for sure. People say I’m a little crazy. If they mean crazy as in, not afraid to say what she thinks or ask for what she wants, then yeah, I’m a little crazy. I’m a published author with Devine Destinies out of Canada. The first two books in my series are currently available through Devine Destinies/Amazon/Fictionwise and some other random ebook websites I’ve never heard of. The final book will be out fall 2010. I work for a major staffing firm as a Sales Coordinator and I love my job though I would happily give it up to be a full-time author. Though I am friends with everyone, it is rare that I truly connect with anyone. My brain works on a different frequency than most. You listen to music and hear.. music. I hear the soothing melodies wound around words that cut my soul in half. You read a book and it’s..words. I read a book and my subconscious falters and the line between fiction and reality blurs leaving me breathless and gripping for dry land. If I have loved you, I will love you forever. Even if I tell you that I don’t anymore, even if I tell you I hate you, it’s a lie. Once I have given my love, I cannot rescind the offer, though I wish I could sometimes. In the same token, if you have been on the unfortunate receiving end of my actual and total hate, you will never redeem yourself and it is best to just leave me be. I am a touchy-feely person and hug people I just meet. It doesn’t take a lot to hurt my feelings but it takes a hell of a lot to make up for it once you have. I love my cats. I long to be… content. (See Chase’s blog for the reference) I believe in vampires. That is all. Ask me if you want to know anything else. I'll tell you.

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In another life..

In another life, we are happy. In another life, things are bright and the sky is always blue, even at night. If tears come, they are tears of joy and shared by all. If words are spoken, they are out of love and from the heart.

In another life, you caught me when I fell and I never hit the ground. My body was never broken; my heart still beats and does not lie motionless at my feet.

In another life, your smile can call the angels and they sit with us under the endless blue sky. They laugh with us and we know that nothing will ever change the way things are.

In another life, it wasn’t so hard to find peace in a chaotic soul. The world moves together, the ocean is her melody, the sky is her harmony, and we were all born knowing the words. We sing at the top of our lungs, unafraid and unashamed, and we are one.

In another life, you love me, and all is right with the world. But that is another life.

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Things I have come to realize

Yeah, I’m a little crazy. Whatever.

No one will ever make me go “awwww” with words that they say to me. It’s just not going to happen. I need to let it go.

There are certain desires I have that will never EVER be satisfied.

God sent Maria to me to keep me from diving my car off of the road.

I will never be happy with my hair. I complain when it is short, I complain when it is long.

Even though my eyes are not green or blue, they are pretty.

If you are not an NYT best selling author, you will never get real credit for being an author.

Not everyone is like me, and it’s a damn shame.

It’s better in Bryceville. Sorry, but it is.

When I really love someone, I love them forever. (This sucks, btw)

When I really hate someone, I hate them forever. (This, I’m okay with)

I don’t like candy harts.

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Video #2

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Ohh look, I made a video =)

Go here if you can't see the video : http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TW7GFJSlx5Y

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I am the only me

Being my husband has got to be the toughest job on the planet. No, I’m not mean and I clean and wash clothes (I do not cook for various reasons) and tend to be fairly accommodating but I am really, REALLY demanding in the romance department. There is nothing he or anyone for that matter, can say to me or do for me that I haven’t already thought of and written in a book or a rough draft of a book. Really, he just can’t make me happy in that department. The last time I actually went AWWWW, was the fist time I heard, Most Uncommon Thing by Five Times August, though I had to give up on anyone ever saying that to me. (Okay, there was this one other time but it doesn’t count because he didn’t mean it…something about caring for me on a deeper level BS!) I don’t know what I expect. For him to spout sonnets? To have romantic dinners and lavish vacations? As English was not his first language, sonnets are out of the question and thanks to our kid and child support for his other kids, we don’t have the money for a vacation. I just want.. someone.. to say something to me that moves me. That pushes my heart down and forces my breath to catch in my lungs. Why is that too much to ask? Unfortunately, I have never met anyone like myself. Even the other authors I know seem to have their heads out of the clouds and their feet firmly planted on the this-is-reality-that-is-fiction soil. People just don’t say the things I do, or think the things I do.. or even want the things I do. Lately, I’m stuck in between being a hopeless romantic and an unyielding cynic. Romantic because in my heart, I still am. Cynic because in my head, I know it’s crap. All of it. Things don’t turn out the way they do in my books, people don’t love people the way they do in my books, and people just don’t say the things to each other that they do in my books. Sad.

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It's my first try at a book trailer. Yeah, harder than I thought!=)


Go here if you can't see the video - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YY9BpkXjKg0

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Giving up on Fate

I don’t think I believe in fate anymore. In the past, I’ve always been fate’s biggest fan, boasting how you should ‘have a little faith in fate,’ and how ‘things will work out as they should.’ Let’s be honest. That is complete and total crap. Life is what you make it. You can wake up and decided to be happy or you can wake up and decided to be sad. The people that you meet are just that. Random people that you meet. If you choose to bring them into your life then, yes, they will have an affect. But if you look past them, or ignore their pretty words, they will have no bearing on the overall outcome of your life. There is no fate, there are only decisions. Decisions we make everyday that mold our life, attitude, and relationships.

Now, is it just a tad bit ironic that the last book in my series…that I still have to write because I have a contract on it…is called Sarah’s Fate? Does anyone see the humor in that but me? I think I’m going to write something without a happy ending. Where the hero is a complete ass and the heroin gets her heart smudged all over the floor. That would be realistic. But then again, it’s fiction right? As in: not true, could never happen, totally and completely made up. So why not offer people an escape from their fateless, average, ordinary lives and write something where everything ends happy? Where the girl gets the boy and good triumphs over evil and money doesn’t make the world go around and it doesn’t matter if you are pretty because you will be loved for the person you are, not the reflection you cast in the mirror. Yes, that is what I will write. Because, in my heart, that is the way things are. It’s a shame that I am the only one that sees them that way.

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Youth is Wasted on the Young

Youth is wasted on the young. I used to get so aggravated when I heard this comment. How absurd. Why would anyone think that, there is a time to be young and a time to be old. Now that I’m not ‘young’ anymore, the truth behind these words is all too clear.

I can see both sides of the spectrum though; I remember what it was like to be young. I’m not one of those adults that will preach at kids/teens on the things they need to do and accomplish. But even if for one week, to be young again and have the concerns/worries that they do vs. the concerns/worries that I do, my heart would be a little lighter. The term I mention above refers to ones ability to take advantage of your current situation as most kids/teens do not. Someone is paying the bills for you, you have the opportunity to absorb all of the knowledge you can get your hands on, and you have yet to need to be concerned for anyone but yourself. OH.MY.GOD. Do you have any idea how good that sounds to me right now? If I could be in school, if I could have someone paying the bills for me, if I didn’t have to wake up and go to sleep worrying about the wellbeing of this six-year-old, wow. The things I could accomplish.

While youth isn’t literally wasted on the young, they deserve their chance to be that way; it is wasted on the unappreciative. Take advantage, pay attention, and have some fun, kids. It’s a whole different ballgame when you’re ‘old.’

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Emmy's Heart

I received the cover for the second book in my series yesterday. I love it! It’s really beautiful. Tina at Devine does a really good job with all of them, though. Not just mine.

I wrote something last night while putting the finishing touches on Emmy’s Heart and It moved me. Am I allowed to say that? It just came out. I didn’t think about it or think that I really needed something profound in this scene. That’s how I write though. I start with a chapter by chapter outline (thank you Chris) and then sit down and let the story play out in my head. This can often present problems as my characters tend to do their own thing and do NOT listen to me whatsoever. Anywho here it is:

“A thousand thoughts crossed my mind but none as strong as the thought of Cale. Above all, he was my reason for being. If the rest of the world fell away, along with everyone in it, I would survive if I still had him. But if he fell away, leaving behind the rest of the world, my heart would cease beating and my life would surely be over.”

Okay, it could just be me but, damn! I’ll admit it is a tad more powerful when read in context but clearly I’m not going to tell you what that is. You’ll have to get a copy of the book to find that out. The thing about it is.. I don’t think I love anyone that much. Even my Daddy (And ya’ll, let me tell ya, I love the hell out of my Daddy!) Sometimes, I wonder where the words come from. Another life perhaps where I sacrificed all for the sake of love? I often read what I’ve written and think, wow, I wish I had the nerve to do that or say that. Are all fiction writers like this or am I truly a most uncommon thing? (Well, no one else is going to say it to me, might as well say it to myself!)

~The Maldito Trilogy~
Emmy’s Song: Available through www.DevineDestinies.com
Emmy’s Heart: 2/15
Sarah’s Fate: Fall 2010

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