See your scars as proof that you made it…not evidence that you almost didn’t.

Friday, May 29, 2009

Things that make me happy

Really good music
Someone singing really good music to me
Tall boys with dark hair
Tall boys with dark hair named Edward ;)
Pretty words
Chocolate Thunder From Down Under (dessert at Outback yummmy)
Christopher when he is not pacing
When the Gators win (at anything, football, baseball, lacrosse)
Good dreams (Like the wake up and try to go back to sleep good dreams)
A clean house
My kitties
Feeling beautiful
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Wednesday, May 27, 2009

The Third Day

I have this theory about the third day. The third day of anything you are going through is always the worst. When I had my C-section, third day was the worst, when you are getting over a broken heart, third day is the worst, getting over being guessed it, the third day is the worst.

The first day is always the best. When you are sick, the first day is not so bad. When you have broken heart the first day is the best because you are usually still mad and that makes it easier to cope.

The second day, things start to go downhill but they are still not at rock bottom. You feel a little worse, your resolve is wavering but you think you can make it.

The third day, everything goes to shit. You feel awful, you can’t stop crying, you’re a mess! Your illness is kicking your butt, you just want to die.

If you can make it past the third day, you can make it! So for everyone on the third day..just hold on. Tomorrow will be better, I promise.
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Monday, May 25, 2009

Will You Find Me~ Short Story

The clouds race past the window of the plane. I usually don’t get the window seat. In fact, I usually do everything I can to avoid the window seat. I hate to fly. The continuous fidgeting, rubbing my hands together, running them through my hair, checking the piece of paper in my hand, is helping to keep the palm sweating at a minimum but I know I’m green. The woman in the seat next to me instinctively moves away, eyeing the barf bag in front of the seat all the while.

It’s worth it. That’s what I keep telling myself. I need to know. I need to see him. I met him a month ago online.

“You have a pretty smile,” he had said.

That was all it took. The connection was instant. His words, the way he said them. I felt like he was the other half of my soul. It was as if we had known each other our entire lives and we had never even actually spoken. He told me he had known me in another life, that it was fate. He told me that he would keep the promise he made to me and that he would always find me. Though I didn’t really believe in reincarnation, I believed him.

The weeks passed and our conversations took a different turn, he started pulling away. Confused and hurt, I asked him why. Was it something I had done?

“No, of course not. I just need some time. We’ll be together soon, I promise.” His words were fresh in my mind.

The plane landed and I began to lose my nerve. What in the world was I going to say? Hi. Nice to see you. I had no idea. I kept telling myself that he just changed his mind. Folks were entitled to change their minds. I looked at the piece of paper I was cluthing in my hand for the hundredth time. I didn’t have any luggage, just a carry on bag. I walked up to the first cab I saw outside the airport and gave him the address.

It was a short trip, not nearly long enough for me to decide what to say. I handed the cabdriver a fifty dollar bill and asked him to wait. I was sure it wouldn’t take long for him to tell me to get lost, that I wasn’t who he thought I was after all.

A woman answerers the doorbell and my heart drops. He was married.

“Yes, can I help you?” She asks in a friendly voice.

Perfect. “Yes, I’m sorry; I may have the wrong house. Is Tom here?”

Her face falls and she swings the door wide open. “Why would you ask that? Why would you come here and ask that? Is this some kind of sick joke?”

Confused, I start to apologize, certain now that I did in fact have the wrong house. “I’m very sorry. This must be the wrong house. I’m looking for Tom Davis.”

She starts to weep. She slams the door in my face and I am too shocked to move. I finally turn and make my way back to the cab. I am shaking uncontrollably when I slip in the backseat and ask the driver to take me back to the airport. This was a mistake.

He turns to look at me then. “Hey lady, I don’t know who you are and I don’t usually get involved in these things but that woman has been through enough. Just leave it alone, okay.”

“I have no idea what you are talking about. I was coming to meet a friend and I must have the wrong address.”

“You asked her where Tom was.”

“Yes, that’s my friend. See I met him online and I wanted to surprise him…”
“Lady, Tom’s dead.”

“What are you talking about?” I wanted to hit him. What the hell was wrong with everyone? I just talked to him last week.

“Tom Davis died in a car accident two weeks ago. That was his mother. Geez lady.” He turned back to the wheel.

“Wait. Can you take me to the graveyard? Please? PLEASE?” I was in full blown hysterics. The nausea that I felt on the plane came back with an intensity I couldn’t fight.

We drive to a small Catholic Church and park near a small graveyard. I open the door and begin to run. I know where to go. I don’t know how but I know where to go. I fall next to his grave. The date was there, etched in stone. Two weeks had passed since he had been buried. One week had passed since his last email.

I just need some time. Those had been the last words he typed me. Time for what? I feel like I am losing my mind. My heart starts to hurt. My chest is on fire and I can’t breathe. Lightning courses down my left hand and my arm loses all feeling. I collapse face first into the dirt. There by his grave, I died.

The light was bright. He was there with me. Stephan, Collin, Christopher, Dylan, and most recently Thomas. We held each other for the few brief moments we had.

“Will you find me?” I ask him.

“I always do my love, I always do.”

I held his hand while the fates pulled us in different directions. Yes, he would find me.
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Thursday, May 21, 2009

It's a New Day

Happy Cat Pictures, Images and Photos

As I reflect on my life, which I have been doing a lot these days, I come to a few realizations.

1) It aint that bad. Actually it’s pretty good. I have a good job, great kid, better than the rest step-daughter and a hard working husband. Yes, we’ve been married FOREVER and yes, we probably got married too young but at the end of the day, he’s perfect for me. He’s not the man in my book, but he’s the man in my life. And speaking of my books, even if they never get published, they are my outlet and I love writing them.
2) It is what I make it. I can wake up and decide to be happy or decide to be sad. A positive attitude really goes along way. “I count my blessings, instead of sheep…” and the world is a little brighter, the music is a little louder and my ass is a little smaller. Okay, well, maybe not that last one! ;)
3) I am ME. And if there’s one thing I know, it’s that there isn’t anyone else like me. I am honest, loud, and a little crazy. I’m tenacious, emotional, and full of fun adjectives to describe however I may be feeling at the moment. I like me. And most folks I meet do too.


4) The show must go on. No matter how I feel, life is going to keep right on going. I still have to take care of my family, go to work, and breathe so I might as well make the best of it. As I previously stated, you only get one shot at this whole life thing and I would rather say, “Why did I do that” than “Why DIDN’T I do that.”
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Tuesday, May 19, 2009


Smile though your heart is aching
Smile even though its breaking
When there are clouds in the sky, you’ll get by
If you smile through your fear and sorrow
Smile and maybe tomorrow
You’ll see the sun come shining through for you

Light up your face with gladness
Hide every trace of sadness
Although a tear may be ever so near
That’s the time you must keep on trying
Smile, what’s the use of crying?
You’ll find that life is still worthwhile
If you just smile

That’s the time you must keep on trying
Smile, what’s the use of crying?
You’ll find that life is still worthwhile
If you just smile
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Monday, May 18, 2009



I am very interested in Emmy's Song and would like to see the full manuscript. You mentioned this being a three-part series, but is each book the same basic length? May I see all three parts or is only part one ready? I definitely need to see the complete part one even if parts two and three are not ready.

I'm attaching our suggested guidelines so you can see what we prefer in a manuscript.

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Yes, there are some posts missing. I am pretending like the last few weeks in my life didn’t happen.
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Monday, May 11, 2009


What if the person you were meant to be with was born miles away from you, years behind or ahead of you? Would you still find each other? Would that love be strong enough to bend space and time and allow you to be with the one person you were meant to be with? I think it would.
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Tuesday, May 5, 2009

One Shot

You get one shot. That’s it. One shot at life, one shot at true love, and one shot with a possible agent or publisher. I, unfortunately, just learned this very hard lesson today. You (me) send an agent a query and then send them an “updated” one when they touch base with you. NO! Put yourself in their spot. They get literally hundreds, possibly thousands of queries a day. I know this is true because I was reading for an established agent for a while and he was getting 3-4 a minute sometimes. So they have this gaggle of talent and you are so special that you should get double their time? No. No. No. Respect the agent and respect yourself. Send your best the first time or don’t send anything at all.

I fear that I am that person that is never happy with my work. I think I will be reading my printed and published novel and wish I could change something. I am vowing to myself not to send any queries for a month. If you follow this blog at all you know I just recently went through an attitude adjustment/rewrite. Even though I now feel I have literally perfection (Lord help me) in my midst, I will wait at least a month to query.

I leave you with this:

Never give up. Go over, under, around, or through, but never give up.
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Monday, May 4, 2009

cute Pictures, Images and Photos

Happy Monday!
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Friday, May 1, 2009

Day 2 of my new attitude

Welp, I did it. Even though there were some lines I loved like.. “Dragging her uncooperative body from under the covers”…I deleted the first three chapters and started over from a different point. I backed up the timeline, have more back-story, and now have the book being told as a story instead of written as a letter. (It would have been a long ass letter!) Now..the question is..should I change the title? I’ll get back to you on that..
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