See your scars as proof that you made it…not evidence that you almost didn’t.

Sunday, December 30, 2012

We're Breaking Up

2012. You and I, well, it’s just not working out. I think it’s best if we just let each other go. I think we can both agree that things started off great, but then you couldn’t hide your true colors any longer and it just fell apart.

That’s how I feel; like I’m trying to recover from a bad relationship. I can’t put 2012 into a category. It wasn’t good, damn sure wasn’t good, but I can’t exactly say it was bad either.

It was the first year since 2009 that I haven’t published a book, but I did finish one and am now sending queries, so…
We lost our house, but moved into a nicer house for less money and I have an office so…

I didn’t get any promotions at work, but I did get placed on a task force and introduce a program that now the entire North American Marketing department is going to use so… yeah.

See what I mean? Not good, not bad.

I am older and starting to not like that. Even when I turned 30 I was like, ‘Ehh, whateva.’ But now, 33 is making me unhappy. My heart…is a mixed up place. Always has been and always will be. I maintain that I’m ‘more’ than most people. I’m not normal, well, to those who have to be around me every day. I’m a very normal, even somewhat tame, writer, but I don’t have any other writers in my family so they all think I’m crazy. Really. I’m surprised someone hasn’t tried to have me committed yet. I feel like they all give me sideways glances when I’m buried in a notebook, taking notes on the thoughts that come pouring into my head, or have to refrain from asking me if I’m okay when I start mumbling to myself and shuffle off to my laptop, my story, my soul.

I’m trying to keep my expectations for 2013 pretty low. In fact, I don’t have any at all. All I can do is wake up each day and view it as a new chance to get something right, which at this point, would be a damn miracle.

Advice from me to you:
  • Save more money than you spend. Really. You don’t need that Coach purse.
  • Keep your focus on who cooks your meals and pays your bills, the rest is just background noise.
  • Try something new, go somewhere new, listen to something new…life’s too short for the continuation of the mundane.
  • And finally, my personal favorite: It is never too late to become what you might have been.

Happy 2013, everyone!
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Friday, December 28, 2012

Five Words

Please send the full manuscript.


Best Five words I’ve seen in a long time…well, six if you count the 'Thanks' and shouldn’t manners always count? Back in 2009, when I saw those words for Emmy’s Song it was the same feeling. This crazy euphoric high that doesn’t compare to anything you’ve ever felt before. As writers we get a lot of rejection, which, you’d think I would be used to by now but I’ll be honest and say it still hurts every time. When that one YES comes in, it’s like someone gave me a life jacket as I sit in a sinking boat and I hang on, for the next ship, the next vest, the next…whatever.

We all need validation at one point or other. I’ve published 5 books and you’d think that would be validation enough but it’s not. Why? Because everyone I need to feel validated from doesn’t consider an eBook as being published. I’m from a dirt road in Bryceville…it is what it is. I’ve accepted it. Perhaps once I’m finally in print and can hand them all something tangible and say, “Here! Does this count? Can you say it now? I’m an author! Say it!” (Ohh, very Twilightish just then) I’ll feel whatever it is my soul still needs to feel and not worry with it any longer.

Who knows. Either way, I’m happy to have received those five words. Now, I just need one: Accepted!

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Sunday, December 16, 2012

The Good with The Bad

I can’t watch the news. All they’re talking about is the shooting. I mean…it’s news. Why wouldn’t they talk about it? But my Lord and Baby Jesus it’s sad. How does one get to that point? Kill your parents, I get it. They did…whatever. But innocent folks? Innocent KIDS? I’m sure we’ll find out more about him as time goes on (Perhaps you already know. As I said, I’m not watching the news.) but I can’t fathom what would put someone there, in that spot. Maybe he felt like he was protecting them from the world? All I know is a mom, a mom who may very well have fought with her kid about going to school since it was the last day before Christmas break, dropped her kid off and will never get to pick them up. MY GOD, I cannot even imagine…I mean, just typing this makes my throat close up and tears are coming to fill my eyes. I want to do something, but I don’t know what. Is there a fund or something? For the parents who didn’t have insurance and can’t afford a funeral? I don’t know. I just know it’s awful.

We moved into the new house and I love it. Mostly, I love my office. I’m in it now with the windows open. The cats are sitting in the windowsills and we’re listening to the crickets and 3rd & Union. Myron framed my book covers, got me brand new everything and hung lights, just like the picture I showed him on Pinterest. Probably the sweetest thing anyone’s ever done for me. I’m trying to be a better wife, or at least do things that I know make him happy…like color coordinate the clothes in my closet and cook dinner and be more welcoming to guests. LOL He’s a simple man. I’m happy. Happy to the point that I’m waiting for something to come along and take it away. Honestly, only one thing could mess this up and it’s so gone I don’t even remember what it sounds like.

See below for pics of my awesome office where I WILL write the book that lets me stay in it all day and write. Amen.

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Tuesday, December 11, 2012

Where Are You Christmas?

So, I guess I’m kind of skipping Christmas this year. Well, my idea of Christmas anyway. Normally it looks like the North Pole has moved its headquarters (thereby negating the whole ‘North Pole’ thing, but whatever) to my living room I have so much Christmas cheer up in my crib. But alas, this year I only have a tree. I’m in-between houses right now. Friday I’ll be officially living in one house, though I still have to clean the old house…and the mess the movers made at the new house. Fun. Needless to say, I’m not feeling the Christmas love this year. Don’t get me wrong, I’m happy. Which, I wasn’t, but now I am.

Side Note: I went to a psychic earlier this year and he told me my housing situation would be decided by the end of the year and I’d be happy about it. O.O Spooky.

I’m just not feeling too cheery. The best Christmas I ever had, and I do mean ever, was three years ago. Myron, Cam and I went to Universal Studios and stayed in the Nick hotel the entire week before Christmas. We had the ‘Let it Snow’ package and got free hot chocolate and ‘smores at the pool area every night and they blew in fake snow and it was COLD. Like, super cold for Florida. That was my first trip to Harry Potter land *SQUEE* and Grinchmas; I was impressed to say the least. Then we came home and I made cookies for everyone in my family and just had a happy time in general. That was the best Christmas. This year has been consumed with moving. I don’t recommend moving during the holiday. Not fun. Nope. Not fun at all.

I did, however, get my very own office in the new house. I feel bad, like I shouldn’t have an office all to myself. I think it’ll guilt me into finishing the entire Fire Series though. I mean, I can’t let all that awesome space go to waste. I have a black desk and furniture, black and white comfy chair, nice silver desk accessories, monitor, the whole bit. It’s nice. I still don’t think I deserve it.

The end of the year is here already. HOLY POOP! Can you guys believe that? They say that time behaves differently as you age and it really does. I remember when December 1 – December 25 took seven months at least, or it seemed that way. I remember when summer break was forever and being in your 30s seemed like another lifetime. But here I am. I’m a Christian, but lately, I’ve really been pulling for reincarnation. I’d like another go at this whole ‘life’ thing. My mom deserves another shot at happiness, poor gal, but me…well, I’d just like another round in the fight.

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