Day one of my new attitude

The walls close in on me as I realize what I must do. I have to change. I HATE change. I never leave a job, I am married to the same man, hell, I have the same pj pants from 2000. But now, I have to change my approach at this whole getting published thing. I have had six requests for partials and they have all been nos with things like this:

“Thanks for sending along the opening pages of Emmy's Song. Truth be told, though, I’m afraid these pages just didn't draw me in as much as I had hoped. I'm pressed for time these days and, what with my reservations about the project, I suspect I wouldn't be the best fit.”

So what does that tell you? I need to go back to the drawing board right? I need to do something better, be something better. My friends read it and they all say, “It’s great, you should be proud of yourself!” But obviously its not and I have a lot to learn. I’m starting over, from the top. Out with the old, in with the new.

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Loss

We all suffer loss. Whether it be the loss of a friend or a loved one or the loss of hope or faith. The key is how we deal with this loss. I see it all around me, and all around me I see people who I am amazed with. They don’t feel sorry for themselves, they don’t hide in a corner, the way I would. The dust themselves off and keep on living. I admire that strength more than they will ever know. As it turns out, inspiration is all around us.

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Don't tell me what to write..

So here is what I hate. I HATE it when people tell people what to write. “Stay away from vampires.” That’s all I am hearing. I don’t know why! I am thirty years old and have been an avid vampire book reader since I was a teen. (Vampire Diaries) I will always read them and there will always be a market for them. Are they overdone? I don’t think so. They will always get my $ at the book store. If you are not a person like that, you are not the target audience for my book and you probably should keep your opinion about that aspect of it to yourself. Have something to say about POV, voice, grammar, have at it. But leave the vampire things alone. It’s not going to change.

While we are on the subject, here is why I think we can’t get enough of vampires…

We all have this struggle between who we are and who we want to be, between right and wrong, between acceptable and not acceptable behavior. A vampire is the epitome of this. Forced into a life they didn’t choose, left to struggle with their nature and what they know is right. Yes, there are the evil ones that are happy to be blood-hungry monsters and then there are those who have a conscience and do everything they can to not be what they are. Isn’t that the way humanity is. In a much broader spectrum on a much deeper level, but really, aren’t we all just trying to do the right thing?

Yes, as a matter of fact, I do believe in vampires. J

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PULLED

Everyday, I feel like I am pulled in 500 different directions. My husband is just driving me crazy lately. It’s like I can’t make him happy but if I’m honest with myself, am I really trying? To make him happy would be to give up my writing time and folks, I’d rather get divorced. He gets up at four o’ clock in the morning and goes to the gym, wakes me up then, comes home at about six and takes a shower, wakes me up again but at this point I need to get up anyway and make my son’s lunch for school. Then my husband leaves and I am left to do everything on my own. Get my son ready, get myself ready, get him to school, me to work and he is just going about his merry way. In his defense, he does work two jobs and do the cooking so it’s not like I am alone in this but then at night, he wants to go to “bed” soon after our son does. And I want to stay up and write. But Lord knows if I don’t go to “bed” with him he is going to pout like a five-year- old. It’s just really driving me crazy. I do love him, just sometimes life gets in the way. My Son..actually, he’s pretty perfect. He is very much a boy, into everything and rough..but he loves me more than my husband ever will. Hell, he loves me more than my husband will ever love ANYONE! So..as you can see, I’m having a bad morning. I did get a request for some pages last night of Emmy’s Song and write about 1500K words on True North so things are not as bad as they seem.

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Just left #queryday on Twitter..Good stuff. :)

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Hanging on by a thread

Ever want to give up? Just really, throw in the towel? Well, that is how I feel. Of course, the little voice in the back of my head continues to tell me that if I give up, I don’t deserve it anyway so..I don’t. I suppose that is the story of life though. To keep moving forward no matter how much ground you feel you are loosing. What is all this babbling about you ask? Well, I think, that I no longer have an agent. He asked me to update some things, which I took a very long time to do and now I have not heard from him. Is he mad at me? Did he not like the sex scene I added? Who knows?!? Who the hell knows?!? Should I query other agents? Do I have a duty to him even though he has become unresponsive? It’s no wonder most authors don’t have “day jobs.” This is a full time job in and off it’s self. GEEZ MANETIE!

On a happy note, I am having a date weekend with my husband. We are going to St. Augustine and on the ghost tour. (So my thing!) My son is going out of town with my parents so we are alone for three whole days. Holy Crap! I’m excited.

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