Lipo Shots and Cookies

Well, folks, I’ve decided to keep a little record of my weight loss adventures. Mainly for evidence so when they either A) find my body or B) find the body I hid, I’ll have something to point back to and say see – I was already crazy.

First, let’s point out that for the last four months or so I’ve been taking this combination medicine Phen-something. I’m not really sure what it was, but it was awesome. I mean, it stopped working for weight loss after the second month but my lord it made everything else better. I could see more clearly, I was awake, in a good mood. Yes. It was awesome. But you can’t take it forever. So I’ve stopped taking that and have started a series of Lipo injections, along with 1300 calories a day (kill me now) and 30 min of exercise a day. That’s where we are.

I.Feel.Like.Shit. I mean, like I just want everyone to go away and I want to crawl under the covers in my bed and stay there. If I hadn’t told Mr. Tom I would do something for him today, I swear to the Lord I would get up and go home. But it’s not his fault I’m a fat, useless cow who can’t just eat right and exercise on her own. So I stay and wait for him to call me back. I did read that the injections can cause you to be lethargic, (CHECK) have random tummy issues (CHECK) and phantom pain in your neck and back (CHECK CHECK). I paid for a four pack of these things and I just had my first shot last Friday (it’s now Monday) so I’ll be riding this out for another month or so. Have I lost weight? No. But it’s only been three days…two of which I ate way more than 1300 calories, I can tell you that right now. Whatever. I like food. I like yummy food. I really like sweets and therein lies my downfall. Though, I must agree with:

I can’t tell if this behavior is from coming off the other meds or getting on the shots, so I’ll just wait a week and see what happens. If I’m still alive/out of jail, that is. This is also havoc on my writing because I just want to print all 66K words out, rip them up one by one and then just go SAIUDHFIAWUEHFISUDHFI all over my word doc. But that is wrong. And I would be sad. Someday. Probably not today. It’s good though, right? It’s originalish and funnyish and entertainingish. But the question remains, is it will written enough NO ISH? Probably not, because I’m not really a writer. I’m a psychopath, masquerading as a storyteller, trying to pass for a writer, working to become a full-time author. It’s a lie. It’s all just a lie. I’m eating a cookie. I hate my life.