There is a scene in Sister Act 2 that plays over and over in my mind when I start to doubt myself as a writer (so basically, like, all the time) where Whoopi is talking to Lauren Hill who is having a hard time admitting she is a singer and in this conversation she says:

"…Don't ask me about being a writer. lf when you wake up in the morning you can think of nothing but writing...then you're a writer.
I'm gonna say the same thing to you. If you wake up in the mornin' and you can't think of anything but singin' first...then you're supposed to be a singer. Girl."

While I do love to sing, what I think about when I wake up is finding time that day to sit down and write. I begin to scheme about eating lunch at my desk and getting Cam to bed early. I think about my characters and listen as they have funny conversations that play out in my head. I obsess over everything I write as I didn’t go to college and just recently learned that cannot is one word and can’t spell for poop. So, according to Whoopi (or the writers of Sister Act 2) I’m meant to be a writer. Now, to be clear, no one said anything about getting paid to be a writer, they just said that in my heart, to give my soul a voice and live my life to the fullest, I need to write. So…I write. And then I delete. And then I write again. And then I cry because it sucks.
But, I write because that is who I am, what I want to be, and the legacy I want to leave.

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Paper Cuts

If you follow this blog, which would be damn near a miracle in and of itself, you are aware that I have begun to print large documents at my day job. Let me say, it is not nearly as bad as I thought it would be as all the peeps I work with are totally stepping up to the plate and taking responsibility for their own stuff, but it’s still not the best thing in the world. I’ve already got some paper cuts and looking down at the microscopic serrations of my skin I had a thought.

Most of my ‘problems’ are paper cuts.

Annoying, sometimes painful, little things that inhibit my day-to-day routine for a week or so and then heal up. Isn’t it funny how those little cuts are all we can think about when they first happen, be it the pain when they come in contact with water when we wash our hair or the funny feeling when we type, but after a while, we forget where they even were. I look around me and see people with downright gashes in their skin, and they don’t whine as much as I do, or complain as much as I do. Shame on me, right. Yeah, shame on me. Like my granny always said, “Well, you can just scratch your tail and get glad.” (I don’t know, I grew up on a dirt road people.)

Things could always be worse. I still have my little sticky that says blessed in my line of sight. I also have 3 things that say believe (4 if you count my wrist) so when I start to get down about my little paper cuts I always have something reminding me to stop feeling sorry for myself. Look around. Are you dealing with paper cuts or gashes? Either way, you’ll find the strength. We always do.

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Why I Love Him

To my wonderful Wife:

More often than you know, during an ordinary moment, I look at you and forget all the stuff that clutters our lives. The jobs, the bills, the schedules, the routines all fade away and I just see you - this absolutely wonderful woman who I'm lucky enough to have by my side.

I know I don't tell you often enough but I really love the life we've made - with all its ups and downs, its twists and turns. I love it because I love the woman who's at the very heart of it all - you, my wonderful wife.

My Valentine's card from my honey. Ten years this November and I love him more now than I ever have before. <3

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Good Life

It’s all about attitude. I know that’s cliché but it really is. I listen to Christian radio, because you know, I’m a Christian, and this morning there was a lady on that said we need to stop taking things for granted in our lives. The majority of humans on this planet live on $2.00 a day. No matter how bad it is, we can always find something to be grateful for. As you all know, I’ve just been a big ball ‘o negativeness about my job lately and that mindset needs to change. At least I have a job. At least I have a good income even though I don’t have a degree. At least I love the people I work with. At least I always get the tools I need to get my job done. At least there’s Ed (you don’t know him but trust me when I say he is a benefit). The list goes on and on. I’ve made little sticky notes that say things like ‘is it really that bad?’ and ‘blessed’ and posted them in various lines of my sight. I am determined to maintain this positive attitude no matter what may come my way. If at the end of the day, I’m not the girl for the job then so be it but there’s no point in me whining everyone to death. I have a great job, on the brink of our ten year anniversary, I love my husband now more than ever, and my son is gifted. Life is Good.

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Jonathan Rhys Meyers is making me miss my deadlines

So let's just forget for two seconds that he's the best looking man God ever graced us with, he's also an amzing actor AND pretty much every male lead in all my books..

Cameron in True North - "He was an Alpha so naturally he was tall and every muscle was chiseled out of stone. He had black hair, the bluest eyes God had ever blessed any of his creations with, and a smile that could chase away the clouds on a rainy day." Um hummm.



I can't stop watching videos about him like this one:


God Help Me.

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Year in Review

Wow, what a year. I look back and think of all the things that happened, yet it seems to have flown by. 2010 was one of my best years, personally and emotionally. Though I published two books this year (three total), I wouldn’t say I’m any closer to being a famous author nor have a gained any ground at my day job as a Sales Coordinator…but let’s stick with the positive, shall we?

I met my overall goal I set for myself in 09 of finding out who I was. It was a great sense of peace to realize that I’d been here all along; one can begin to question ones sanity when one has thought to have lost oneself. Cameron was tested and subsequently passed into the Gifted program. In addition to proud mom feelings, I was relieved in general. I have always said the kid was odd. And now I know why. He’s just really freaking smart. Things have been better since he’s been able to interact with his peers who are on the same intelligence level. You see, Gifted doesn’t mean he’s a genius. It just means his capacity for learning is above average and therefore his brain needs more stimulation than that of your typical seven-year-old. As the sign on his Gifted teacher’s door says, “He’s not weird, He’s Gifted.” Hummm, what else? Well, my list of small personal achievements that would mean nothing to you is rather long. Things like; I learned that cannot is one word, or what a curmudgeon is, or the vibration of matter and it’s correlation to the possibility of other dimensions (Ancient Aliens on the History Channel. Good shit.). These are things I consider small victories…knowledge. I have said before and I’ll say it again, the only thing I learned in High School was how to cry myself to sleep. It was a complete and utter waste of my time and as you all well know, very nearly took my life. As I have grown, I have learned so much more and I wish I had gone to college and had a different educational experience. You bet your tail that Cameron is going, though seeing as how he is smart, I’m sure he will want to anyway.

Lessons I’ve learned that you may find helpful: Not everyone is what they portray themselves to be online. You have to be very, very careful when making online friends, people are crazy. The iPod Touch, Gen 4 is the coolest technological gadget EVER. When fighting with one’s spouse, think of the cost of something before you slam it against the wall. And finally, it is never too late to become what you could have been.

I wish you all a prosperous and peaceful 2011.

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Day Job

You know how you can see something coming and just know it’s going to be awful? Like, life-alteringly (which is apparently not a word but fits here so it’s staying) awful. Yeah, that’s where I am. I can see it coming, and no one else cares. And do you know why dear random blog follower that I know not of? Because I am the only one whose life will be altered. Okay, I’m sure you’re wondering what I’m talking about.

Here’s the skinny:

I work with a group of folks that respond to bids and proposals for a LARGE staffing company. We work on more than 1,000 efforts a year. I am the coordinator of said group. As you can imagine, some of those proposals have to be printed. When I first started with this crew six years ago, that was in no shape, form, or fashion my job. I would help out, but the proposal writer was responsible for it. To our extreme advantage, an outside printer just happened to be on the 1st floor of our building and they did most of the hard shit (cutting the covers down, laminating, making the tabs, actually printing the thing out) and then we would collate, bind, and send it on its way. Over the years, as people have come and gone, I have somehow managed to become responsible for all of that and I was trying to take that in stride UNTIL we were recently bought out and have been told we are moving across town. HOLY SHIT! Does no one else see the issue here? Now we are going to have to share printers with everyone else and SOMEONE will have to do all the hard shit (see above) and I can already see people looking my way. I’ve never been one to throw out the ‘that’s not my job’ bit. I hate that. But I cannot convey to you the impact all of this is having on my life. The move alone is going to add an hour to my day (drive time), the insurance went up almost $200 a month AND we are going from an every other week pay to a twice a month pay, thereby getting rid of that ‘extra’ paycheck we have. Our director also informed us that our little crew that used to be 7 people tops may climb to close to 30! 30! Are you freaking kidding me? And you want me to what? For WHAT? At some point, you have to step back and ask yourself, is this worth it? Is it worth it to get home at seven every night, dead, pissed at the world? Is it worth it to have people take advantage of you over and over? Is it worth it to work for a company six years and still be hourly when everyone else around you is salary? I don’t have a degree but I’ve been a sales coordinator in some fashion for 11 years. I’m good at it. I don’t know…am I overreacting? Am I freaking out for nothing? I welcome advice from other corporate employed type folk. The REAL solution here would be for all ya’ll to just buy my damn books and me make enough money doing that to stay home and finish FireFlys and get a book deal. Hey, a girl can dream.

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