I’m a fate kind of girl

I often wonder if we actually realize the affect we have on each other. When fate puts us in another person’s path, some would say there must be a reason. We need something from that person or we have some benevolent gift to give them. Some would say that it’s pure chance when two people meet, that there is nothing drawing us to one another or pulling us away. And as such, there is no great meaning in relationships. I’m a fate kind of girl. I like to believe that everything happens for a reason, maybe not the reason you wanted but a reason none the less. (That’s actually not mine, someone else told me that. It’s good though, right?) So looking back on your life, can you fathom how many people you have touched, affected, changed? There are probably a lot more than you know or ever will know.

My eleventh grade English honors teacher forever changed my life because she never took of for spelling. For the first time I was allowed to use the words I wanted to but didn’t (still don’t) know how to spell. And now I’m a writer. I bet she has no idea.

The preacher, whose name escapes me, who led the revival at the Baldwin Baptist Church forever changed my life and my relationship with God. I’m sure he doesn’t even remember me, I was seven.

My friend Amy Surrency (Nash now) touched my soul when we were in fifth grade. She was the first person that ever called themselves my best friend.

My friend Michele taught me how to be a grown up and always put things in ‘Christy terms’ which helped a lot. I think she does know that actually. ;)

My point is, all these people come in and out of our lives and we never get the chance to tell them what they mean to us. So take the time and tell someone. Tell them you love them, you never know. Maybe they love you too.

Read More

Inventory

As I turn thirty (shudder) I take inventory of my life.

House, check
Husband, check
Child, check
Job, check
Book deal, check.

I should be jumping for joy and on my knees every second of every day thanking God for all the blessings in my life. And I am thankful. At the same time, I wonder who the heck I am. All my life I have been someone’s something. Their daughter, her friend, his girlfriend, his wife, his mom but never just me. I think I am myself when I write, but I write from the point of view of a seventeen year-old girl. Now what the heck does that say about me? I have a theory. (You know I love the theories!)

When I was seventeen, I loved a boy and music with all my heart. And I mean every last ventricle. (I love him still but that’s neither here nor there.) He loved me too, as much as a teenage boy can love someone. And music was my life. Chorus, Musical Theater, all of it. Things with the boy ended, I was betrayed by a ‘friend,’ and ended up in the auditorium with slit wrists. Yes I know, but that’s not the bad part. At the suggestion of a therapist, I was pulled out of chorus and enrolled into the work release program. That hurt more than losing him. And every day when I would leave, I had to walk past the chorus room and hear them singing. It was like a knife in my soul. I think it’s still there.

Anywho..my theory. I don’t think I ever changed emotionally again. I grew older, but in my head, I swear, I am still seventeen. Ask anyone I know and they will back this up. I am that girl that says things she shouldn’t say and does things everyone else is thinking about but won’t. So now I’m thirty and I want to know who I am, or who I would have been if that didn’t happen. Would I have gone to Berklee and been a Musical Therapist? Would I sing at church? (I don’t sing in front of people anymore.) Would I have waited for him?

That’s my mission for the year. By the time I am thirty-one, I want to know without a shadow of doubt who the hell I am.

Read More

SOON TO BE PUBLISHED

I am happy to announce that Devine Destinies has agreed to publish Emmy's Song! It will be in eBook first and then move on to print after it acquires enough online sales. Thank you to everyone who has taken this journey with me and I look forward to sharing my thoughts with you as an official published author. :)

Hi, Christina,
Emmy's Song is accepted. Fill out the AIF (author information form) and email it to XXX and cc it to XXX. Print and fill out 2 copies of the first and last pages of the contract and mail both copies to the snail mail address on the top of the front page. We will sign and date both copies and send 1 back to you.

Read More

When Your Soul is Asleep

When your soul is asleep, the world passes you by and you miss the details.

When your soul is asleep, the words don’t register and lose their meaning.

When your soul is asleep, your heart shuts down and you forget. Forget how the wind feels on a warm summer day, forger the smell of candy apples in the fall, and candy canes in the winter. Forget how light you can feel when the weight of the world isn’t pushing you further and further down into despair.

Then something changes, the world moves under you, and your soul wakes up. Alone, scared, but awake. Awake feels so good you don’t ever want to go back. You have to change. Inside yourself, twist yourself, because you are forever altered. You see every detail, all the colors of a sunset, all the sounds of the beach. You hear the words and they touch you. You remember the sweet smells of every season and your heart is light again. Alone, but light.

Will you stay awake or allow fear to keep you asleep, missing your life? It’s your choice. Make the right one.

Read More