Jonathan Rhys Meyers is making me miss my deadlines

So let's just forget for two seconds that he's the best looking man God ever graced us with, he's also an amzing actor AND pretty much every male lead in all my books..

Cameron in True North - "He was an Alpha so naturally he was tall and every muscle was chiseled out of stone. He had black hair, the bluest eyes God had ever blessed any of his creations with, and a smile that could chase away the clouds on a rainy day." Um hummm.



I can't stop watching videos about him like this one:


God Help Me.

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Year in Review

Wow, what a year. I look back and think of all the things that happened, yet it seems to have flown by. 2010 was one of my best years, personally and emotionally. Though I published two books this year (three total), I wouldn’t say I’m any closer to being a famous author nor have a gained any ground at my day job as a Sales Coordinator…but let’s stick with the positive, shall we?

I met my overall goal I set for myself in 09 of finding out who I was. It was a great sense of peace to realize that I’d been here all along; one can begin to question ones sanity when one has thought to have lost oneself. Cameron was tested and subsequently passed into the Gifted program. In addition to proud mom feelings, I was relieved in general. I have always said the kid was odd. And now I know why. He’s just really freaking smart. Things have been better since he’s been able to interact with his peers who are on the same intelligence level. You see, Gifted doesn’t mean he’s a genius. It just means his capacity for learning is above average and therefore his brain needs more stimulation than that of your typical seven-year-old. As the sign on his Gifted teacher’s door says, “He’s not weird, He’s Gifted.” Hummm, what else? Well, my list of small personal achievements that would mean nothing to you is rather long. Things like; I learned that cannot is one word, or what a curmudgeon is, or the vibration of matter and it’s correlation to the possibility of other dimensions (Ancient Aliens on the History Channel. Good shit.). These are things I consider small victories…knowledge. I have said before and I’ll say it again, the only thing I learned in High School was how to cry myself to sleep. It was a complete and utter waste of my time and as you all well know, very nearly took my life. As I have grown, I have learned so much more and I wish I had gone to college and had a different educational experience. You bet your tail that Cameron is going, though seeing as how he is smart, I’m sure he will want to anyway.

Lessons I’ve learned that you may find helpful: Not everyone is what they portray themselves to be online. You have to be very, very careful when making online friends, people are crazy. The iPod Touch, Gen 4 is the coolest technological gadget EVER. When fighting with one’s spouse, think of the cost of something before you slam it against the wall. And finally, it is never too late to become what you could have been.

I wish you all a prosperous and peaceful 2011.

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Day Job

You know how you can see something coming and just know it’s going to be awful? Like, life-alteringly (which is apparently not a word but fits here so it’s staying) awful. Yeah, that’s where I am. I can see it coming, and no one else cares. And do you know why dear random blog follower that I know not of? Because I am the only one whose life will be altered. Okay, I’m sure you’re wondering what I’m talking about.

Here’s the skinny:

I work with a group of folks that respond to bids and proposals for a LARGE staffing company. We work on more than 1,000 efforts a year. I am the coordinator of said group. As you can imagine, some of those proposals have to be printed. When I first started with this crew six years ago, that was in no shape, form, or fashion my job. I would help out, but the proposal writer was responsible for it. To our extreme advantage, an outside printer just happened to be on the 1st floor of our building and they did most of the hard shit (cutting the covers down, laminating, making the tabs, actually printing the thing out) and then we would collate, bind, and send it on its way. Over the years, as people have come and gone, I have somehow managed to become responsible for all of that and I was trying to take that in stride UNTIL we were recently bought out and have been told we are moving across town. HOLY SHIT! Does no one else see the issue here? Now we are going to have to share printers with everyone else and SOMEONE will have to do all the hard shit (see above) and I can already see people looking my way. I’ve never been one to throw out the ‘that’s not my job’ bit. I hate that. But I cannot convey to you the impact all of this is having on my life. The move alone is going to add an hour to my day (drive time), the insurance went up almost $200 a month AND we are going from an every other week pay to a twice a month pay, thereby getting rid of that ‘extra’ paycheck we have. Our director also informed us that our little crew that used to be 7 people tops may climb to close to 30! 30! Are you freaking kidding me? And you want me to what? For WHAT? At some point, you have to step back and ask yourself, is this worth it? Is it worth it to get home at seven every night, dead, pissed at the world? Is it worth it to have people take advantage of you over and over? Is it worth it to work for a company six years and still be hourly when everyone else around you is salary? I don’t have a degree but I’ve been a sales coordinator in some fashion for 11 years. I’m good at it. I don’t know…am I overreacting? Am I freaking out for nothing? I welcome advice from other corporate employed type folk. The REAL solution here would be for all ya’ll to just buy my damn books and me make enough money doing that to stay home and finish FireFlys and get a book deal. Hey, a girl can dream.

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And then I don't feel so bad...

…These are a few of my favorite things…

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Life….

I am finding myself more and more inspired by Dr. Seuss. Though often silly and mismatched, his words always have a greater purpose, always a meaning in the end. How do you know you like something if you don’t give it a try? In the end, you should always do the right thing.. and so forth and so on. Life, as it turns out, is much like a Dr. Seuss book. Always a deeper meaning that I miss on the surface, always some greater purpose that I can’t seem to find until it’s too late. The thing about life, though, is that you can’t start over. You can’t go back to the first page and read it again if you messed up how many soxs sue has. So what can we do but try like hell to get it right the first time? And the even bigger question is how do we know if we got it right? Barring some major cataclysmic break in the universe, who’s to say if we messed up or if things are just running along according to plan?

I still believe in fate, don’t get me wrong. I’m just questioning her motives lately.

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Bad Mood

There comes a point, on days such as this, where every sound feels like needles in my ears. Every question someone asks me, or request someone makes has me searching for cotton to perhaps shut out all the dribble that continues to fall from the mouths of everyone around me. Especially my son, poor kid. God knows he’s going to be reading someone this blog on a leather sofa when he’s older. He will, however, be especially understanding of his wife’s mood swings.

I’ve seen a spectrum of things this week and have come to the conclusion that we, as a society, are never truly happy. Someone whose life was worse than mine looks at me and thinks wow, if I only had what she has, I’d be happy. I look at others and think wow, if I only had what they have, I would be happy. But none of us are. I’ve always said that money could indeed buy you happiness and shame on the lazy bum who said otherwise but, rich people aren’t happy either. Are there times when I think I’m happy? Of course. Reading a good book, taking a hot bath, writing, eating white chocolate, when my son acts normal, good booty from my honey…yes. I feel I am happy at these times but it never lasts. Why? Why can’t I just be content and not let people/things bother me? If I lived in a bubble, and only allowed access to a select few, things would perhaps take a turn for the better. If I knew my debt card would never get declined in the pharmacy line at Walgreens (oh yea. Good times.) again, that might put a little bounce in my step.

I need a serious attitude adjustment. About everything. I need some new perspective and some time to think. I’m going to NYC next week for work. Perhaps that will be a good time.

Hey, you, movie producer! Make a movie out of my books so I can stay home all day and write. You may very well save my life. Please and thank you. (they would be a great movie.)

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